I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
