either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
BRING THE BAGELS
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
