She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
