just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
