There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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