It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
