I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
