can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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