Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
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