so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
This is the high leading the old right now
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
