I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
