You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
