Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
