plz talk dirty to me
where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Even my vagina gasped.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
