I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
