Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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