My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Randomize
