Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Randomize
