do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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