i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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