My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
someone get that fucking seahorse.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Randomize
