please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
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When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
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Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
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