he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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