She is in my trunk
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I AM VODKA MAN
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
