So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
