All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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