Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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