THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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