I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
