I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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