Porn is love you can see.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
you're hired as official boob wrangler
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
