you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
