i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
