Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Randomize
