i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
