who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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