I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
