her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
