...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
