just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
