K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
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