you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
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