Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
