he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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