I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
