He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
