If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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