Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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