Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
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I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
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and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize