Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
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