It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
