she smelled like a LAN party
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
