so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
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Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
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they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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