I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
It's just like the Real World with babies
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
