I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
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