sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
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