im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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