you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Use "feeling words"
Yay
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
