I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
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