you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
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One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
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How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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