Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Randomize
