I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
