My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Randomize
