laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
