my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Can you bring me the toilet please
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
