Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
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