Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
and i looked up. we had an audience...
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
