last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
