You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
