We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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