oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
