Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
