where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
