yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
