wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
