It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
