There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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