just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
