I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
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