Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
i think my cat just said my name.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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