it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
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