dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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