forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
