im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
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